Author MATTHEW McINTOSH

Excerpts

Cover art for “The Christmas Party”, a new novella from Matthew McIntosh

The Christmas Party

Excerpt from The Christmas Party, a new novella-as-screenplay by Matthew McIntosh. Zyzzyva◹, Winter 2022. “Evoking a bygone era of Hollywood, this cinematic holiday story follows a set of misfits and dreamers on a romantic quest from Los Angeles to San Francisco.”

Scene 3

A BUS STOP IN HOLLYWOOD – Later. On the sidewalk is a sandwich board for a basement bar called PAT’S (Est. 1921). The sign says, written in chalk:

EARLYBIRD SPECIAL
COCKTAILS $2
BEER $1

With a screech and a hiss, a bus enters the shot and stops. The doors open and Marilyn Monroe steps out. She’s wearing a white pleated dress with a plunging neckline, a close knockoff of the one made famous above the subway grate in The Seven Year Itch. She has a platinum blonde wig, bright lipstick. Around her neck hangs a Polaroid camera. She is carrying a white clutch purse, and a sparkly red box, hinged, about ten inches by ten inches square, maybe two inches thick. After disembarking Marilyn turns around, smiles big, and blows the driver a kiss.

MARILYN
(giggles)
Merry Christmas!

The bus continues on. Marilyn looks up at the sky, raises her hand to feel for rain—none—then steps down into the bar. An eagle-eye might have noticed the scratches along each wrist and arm.

THE BAR - The camera follows Marilyn as she sashays down the steps, inside, and takes a seat beside a miserable looking young man who sits slumped on a stool, his face resting on his hand. It’s George. He’s the only customer in the bar and from his disheveled appearance looks like he’s been there awhile. In front of him is an empty cocktail glass and a vintage Zippo lighter. Dangling from his lips, an unlit cigarette. On the wall behind him is a very large NO SMOKING sign.

Marilyn (DAISY) sets her clutch and the box down on the bar and says, with the voice and intonations of Marilyn Monroe:

DAISY
Looks like we might finally get some rain.

George hasn’t noticed her.

DAISY (CONT.)
It’s good for the flowers.
GEORGE
Huh?
DAISY
Rain. I said it’s good for flowers.
GEORGE
Oh. Right.

DAISY
Can I buy you a drink?
GEORGE
Huh?
DAISY
A drink, bub! Can I buy you one?

GEORGE
(sitting up)
Oh. Yeah. Sure. Thank you.

George takes the cigarette out of his mouth and sets it down on the bar.

DAISY
What’s your poison?
GEORGE
Huh?
DAISY
Your poison, silly! What do you drink?
GEORGE
Oh. Gin and tonic.
DAISY
Well what’re the odds! That’s my poison too! You want a little slice of lime in yours?

GEORGE
(nods)
Thanks.
DAISY
Hey, Pat! Two gin and tonics. With little slices of lime in them.

The bartender is a big ex-boxer with a busted nose and a hard-looking skull, gray at the temples, somewhere in his fifties.

BARTENDER
Pat’s been dead for forty years.
DAISY
Aw, gee, I’m sorry to hear that.
(charmingly)
Well then two gin and tonics with little slices of lime in them, whatever your name is.
BARTENDER
Have you got money for two gin and tonics with little slices of lime in them?
DAISY
(batting her eyes)
Do you really need to ask?
BARTENDER
Better I ask now than be disappointed later.

Daisy taps the Polaroid camera around her neck and says cheerfully:

DAISY
Trade for a photo with a star?

The bartender’s expression would seem to say no.

DAISY (CONT.)
(nudges George)
Sorry, Handsome, looks like this round’s on you.
GEORGE
Two gin and tonics, please.

The bartender goes off to make the drinks.

DAISY
Hey! They’ve got one of those old fashioned phone booths! Sit tight, Handsome, I need to make a call. Got a quarter?

George reaches into his pocket and hands her two.

GEORGE
It’s fifty cents now.

Daisy picks up her purse and heads to the rear of the bar where there is a big wooden phone booth like you see in old movies. She gets in and closes the door, sets her purse down, puts the coins in, dials. Someone has left a real estate flyer on the little shelf. While the phone is ringing, and then the message plays [Scruggs. Leave a message.] she looks it over. When the beep comes she says:

DAISY
Hi, Mr. Scruggs, it’s Daisy calling. I just wanted to thank you for being so patient, Mr. Scruggs, and so lenient too, and to let you know that I’ve got some good news! I’ve got the money—at least I practically do—and I’m gonna get it to you very soon. You were right, Mr. Scruggs, about everything, but I was right too when I said I would have your money by Christmas, because Christmas is still two days away and I got it. At least practically…

SHOT OF THE SPARKLY RED BOX she left on the bar.

DAISY (CONT.)
Well, that’s all! You’ll have your money very soon, Mr. Scruggs! Bye! And Merry Christmas! Or Happy Hanukkah! Whichever you prefer!

She hangs up, then takes the flyer and reads it as she walks back to her stool where there’s a drink waiting for her.

DAISY
(sitting back down)
Boy, would you get a load of this place up in the Hills! Five bedrooms, six bathrooms, a spa, a pool, a wine cellar, an entertainment salon whatever that is, a tennis court, a gated driveway and security cameras all over the place. And here’s the kicker! They’re callin it a zen compound!
(laughs)
Can you imagine?

George sits and stews, lost in his thoughts.

DAISY (CONT.)
It can be all yours, Handsome, for a mere three million bucks!

Daisy waits for George to say something, but when he doesn’t she reaches out her hand and says:

DAISY (CONT.)
Daisy.
GEORGE
George DeCordelle.
DAISY
You’re lookin kinda blue, George DeCordelle. Something the matter?
GEORGE
Yes. Everything.
DAISY
Oh, it can’t be that bad. Not at Christmas. This is the best time of year!

They sit in silence for a while, Daisy drinking, George moping. Finally:

DAISY (CONT.)
Boy, wasn’t that delicious! You want another one?

George has barely touched his.

GEORGE
No, thanks.
DAISY
(waving)
Just one, Pat! So what do you do for a living, George?
GEORGE
Until this afternoon I was employed at Empire Car Wash.
DAISY
Don’t tell me they fired you two days before Christmas!
GEORGE
Yes. Well, technically I resigned, but that was because my boss doesn’t like confrontation.
DAISY
Geez, that’s rough. What are you gonna do now?
GEORGE
I’ll be going back home to San Francisco.
DAISY
San Francisco? Oh, that’s a real nice place. Except for the weather! Brrrr! I couldn’t believe how cold it was! I said to myself, This is supposed to be California? I never felt cold like that and I grew up in Wisconsin!
GEORGE
Can I ask you something, Daisy?
DAISY
Sure!
GEORGE
Have you ever been in love?
DAISY
Of course! All the time!
GEORGE
I ran into a friend from high school today and he told me the girl I love more than anything in the world is about to be married.
DAISY
No!
GEORGE
Yes.
DAISY
Who’s she marrying?
GEORGE
I don’t know. Not me.
DAISY
What’s her name? The girl you love, I mean.
GEORGE
(lovingly, looking off into space)
Linda.
DAISY
(makes a stink face)
I knew a girl named Linda.
GEORGE
Linda. It means beautiful in Italian. In German, soft, tender. She’s the reason I got the job at the car wash.
DAISY
Does she work there too?
GEORGE
No. She’s a child of privilege like me. That’s just one of the many things we have in common.
(picks up the cigarette, sticks it into his mouth and lights it)
Our fathers have known each other forever. In fact there’s not a time when I didn’t know Linda. She is there in my earliest memories…

The bartender’s big mitt comes into the frame and takes the cigarette out of his mouth. Unfazed, George continues:

GEORGE (CONT.)
And I have loved her for as long as I can remember…

SMOKY DISSOLVE…

Read the rest in Zyzzyva...◹

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